We’ve learned the shape of life — it’s a circle
May 21, 2016
By: Mark Harvey
Email: harvemb@dshs.wa.gov
Are you in the mood to indulge me for a moment? Thank you.
You know what’s wrong with people like me?
Well, yeah, there’s that, and…OK, I suppose there’s that, too, but neither of those (or the myriad others that immediately came to mind) are what I happen to be thinking about at the moment.
People like me, in our endlessly zealous commitment to “helping,” tend to focus on what’s “wrong.” Now, if you’re in the “helping business,” that makes a modicum of sense; after all, if everything was just peachy, who’d need help, right? “Hey, Slim: Things just couldn’t be any better! I think we need HELP!” No, you don’t hear that much.
So, naturally enough, “people like me” (which we shall now narrow down to, “me”), look for what people need help with, and if you happen to have a particular fondness for aging and Elders, that often comes down to “loss.”
Admitted, you don’t need a $500,000 research grant to figure out that the longer you manage to stay on the planet, the more likely it is that you’ll experience “loss” stuff – It’s just the odds of staying in the game. And there are all kinds of losses: Deaths of people (or pets) who matter, abilities can become disabilities, body parts work less…aggressively than they might have at a younger point in the game. We can (and do) lose jobs, homes, opportunities and car keys.
We can lose our energy or strength or sense of humor or the ability to decipher insurance notices. We can get sick, or have to stay inside (or in bed) or need help doing things that we didn’t used to need help doing. We can lose our place in a book or our place on the planet.
And we can lose things that we didn’t even know could be lost.
So, in I charge, helping us to figure out how to get by, in spite of all those losses – How heroic!
How myopic.
Because life – And “aging” – Isn’t always about what’s wrong or what’s gone. It can also be about what’s gained: The gifts that are given to replace the gifts that are lost.
Few of us will ever again be (if we ever were) “beautiful people,” and our ability to rival rabbits at what rabbits do best has likely been somewhat…compromised, but we aren’t dead. We probably won’t set any Olympic records and it likely takes a bit longer to bounce back from our few remaining excesses, but would you really go back to being 16, if you could? How overwhelmingly boring!
It is exactly these changes that keep it all interesting! As the time gets shorter, it also gets sweeter, and while we still may be incredibly busy, we’ve learned to savor the sweetness, if even for a moment. We’ve gained a sense of our own mortality, and a gratitude for what we have, or don’t have, or had once.
A wisdom, if you must, that’s tallied by scars: “…and I got this one when I split my knee open on the railing, watching a full moon rise up out of Lake Michigan…” Some things we shouldn’t have done and some things that we should have done twice! An understanding and, hopefully, an acceptance of where we fit in this unfathomable Universe: small, insignificant and gloriously essential.
We’ve learned the shape of life: It’s a circle, not a headlong, linear rush to the next “thing.” We’ve learned that circles are cycles and that this, too, shall pass. We’ve learned that bad things happen. We’ve learned that wonderful things happen – And, with any luck at all, we’ve learned to know the difference.
And every single one of us has a story of the way we came, and that’s the gift: Love & memories, memories & love – What else are you going to take with you?
Nothing – I’m told that Heaven comes fully equipped.
No, it isn’t always about what’s “wrong” or what’s gone or what doesn’t work right, because life and love are a lot like muscles: The more you use them, the stronger they get. And when it comes time to go? Lick your lips, because this is going to be a HELLUVA ride!
Mark Harvey is the director of Information and Assistance for Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He can be reached at harvemb@dshs.wa.gov or 532-0520 in Aberdeen, (360) 942-2177 in Raymond or (360) 642-3634. FACEBOOK: Olympic Area Agency on Aging-Information & Assistance.