Seek understanding beyond superficial conflicts
June 25, 2020
By: Doug Sheaffer
Email: doug.sheaffer@dshs.wa.gov
Conversations with family members are sometimes free-flowing. And sometimes, especially when concerns are in the wind, not so much. What we hear ourselves saying and how we hear what others are saying gets a little lost in translation.
He’s just so stubborn!
(translation: He won’t do it my way!)
I’ve been independent my whole life and I’m still making my own decisions.
He’s just in denial!
(translation: He won’t accept reality the way I see it!)
I know the issues, weighed the options and I’m making my choices.
It’s just not safe! What if he falls, what if..what if..
(translation: I’m concerned and want to protect him!)
I’m aware of what I can and can’t do. Right now, I’m more focused on the quality of my life than living in a bubble.
He just has really poor judgement now!
(translation: That’s not the way I’d do it!)
Still here. Still living. Still deciding.
We’ve talked about alternate living situations many times in this space. It doesn’t mean that all that can be said has been said. We’re people and on either side of “tough” conversations, it can be tricky.
Love and caring is a blessing. Such emotions can make us feel like we’re walking on air. Love and caring can also be painful as we all know. And when we truly want what’s best for loved ones—perhaps especially when it’s about our aging parents—frustration can easily slip right in.
This time out, I’m not going to count down the possible benefits of assisted livings, adult family homes, or some other out-of-home scenario. We have the information if wanted.
All I hope to accomplish is to encourage needed conversations and while listening, actually hearing what may be behind the words.
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